Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The rape of the Soul

I was raped by a monster who called himself my uncle and then I was "raped" again by my parents who told me to "forget it and move on". They told me that this kind of a thing would tear the fabric of our family apart,  that it would for sure kill my grandparents.

So, I locked this deadly secret deep in a dark place in my mind and I built thick walls around it to keep it inside and to keep out a world that had turned cruel and treacherous and duplicitous. As I grew older the Walls got thicker and higher and the light of my soul dimer and colder. Then I was told that I was cold and bitter and ungrateful and nobody would love me because I turn everyone away.  And you know they are right!

So, I told my patient the story of Medusa. And here it is for all who suffered and kept the secret.

There was once in a time beyond time a beautiful maiden with golden long hair and eyes the color of the dark blue sea.  She was so radiant that Poseidon, The Lord of the seas, was stricken by her beauty and when she rejected him he raped her right in the temple of Athena where she had gone to make her offerings. Athena who saw the whole thing got angry but being that Poseidon was her uncle and getting angry with him would had carried  no favors with the rest of the Olympians she instead got angry with the girl. She punished her by turning her into a monster and her beautiful hair into venomous snakes. Her face was so horrible to behold that turned anyone who looked at it directly into stone. She was finally decapitated by Perseus but here is the interesting twist of the story: out of the blood of her severed head was borne Pegasus, the white stallion of the Poets. In other words inspiration and creativity and beauty.

The anger of the hurt and the weight of the secrets turn the heart cold and vengeful not just with the people who hurt us but also with those who want to love us. It is not until we face our anger that we can find the courage and creativity necessary to love and be loved again.
In the words of May Sarton:

I turn your face around! It is my face.
That frozen rage is what I must explore.
Oh secret, self-enclosed, and ravaged place!
This is the gift I thank Medusa for.

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